Noble Second Wife: A new approach to forgiveness

A Noble Second Wife is a calling… and not an easy one, by any means. We are the Navy Seals of Christian marriage, at times facing with grace the crazy unfairness of scorn, disrespect, or even rejection. On our own, our gut instinct would be to harden our hearts. But God tells us there is a better way… 

“My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.” Psalm 51:17

“A broken spirit? As a sacrifice to God? For what they did to me?” You shake your head in vehement protest. “No way! I am doing everything not to be broken!”  But consider: 

Brokenness is, in fact, a powerful spiritual posture which will keep you sane!  Its scope is wide, its impact significant, both in the heavenly realm and right here on broken planet earth.

There is a broader significance of brokenness vs. mere forgiveness. Forgiveness settles this matter, this time.  And that’s a good thing. But brokenness settles all matters for all time. And that’s a great thing.

Forgiveness refers to a single incident, implying that you, the victim, are just, and the assault on you (whether verbal or emotional) was unjust. But brokenness goes far beyond it, acknowledging we are all unjust. We all fall short of the glory of God. We are all on the same side of the fence: the human side. Only the King stands on the other side. 

Brokenness (now brace yourself!) puts us on the same level of those who hurtfully wound us. Maybe that’s why it is so powerful. Brokenness is a sacrifice that helps us make sense of God’s seemingly impossible law of forgiveness — because it acknowledges that we, too, are broken.

This spiritual stance willfully exposes and surrenders to God the hidden pride to which we unknowingly cling. Brokenness tears down those emotional fences we didn’t even know we had erected. It rips the scab off fury hiding deep within our hearts. Brokenness is a spiritually accurate position from which to seek God’s mercy, favor and intervention. As a sacrifice, brokenness is very freeing. The person it frees… is us.

And there’s more. Brokenness diffuses a healing scent. It is an attractant that calms those around us who seek strife. Wordless, yet eloquent, it is a graceful way to soften an adversary and break an impasse.

Brokenness demonstrates a passion for God that exceeds our passion for human fairness. So naturally, it is not our normal go-to attitude. It does not come easily to the wife who feels under attack. Brokenness outrageously allows our situation to become even more unfair than it already is. And it seeks only God — and no other — to pick up the pieces of our broken hearts. 

Noble Second Wife, are you carrying a load that is heavy to bear? Are you struggling to make sense of the family God has assigned you? 

Pray with me: Lord, I stand broken before You. Please rush Your love to my broken and contrite heart. Please heal this family. Tear down the walls, in Jesus name, Amen.